You're my little dorito
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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