I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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