so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
