I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
porn star boner night. come get it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.