last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.