God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
