I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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