she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
