I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.