I wish my penis had an off switch
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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