dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
