The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
