we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.