You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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