Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
