i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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