I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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