Your mouth is God's brothel.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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