you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
