God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
