Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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