2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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