I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
