so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
