Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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