I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
