I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm like, not good at living.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
