My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
