no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
