i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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