The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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