I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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