well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
