i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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