I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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