soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
