Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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