You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
