If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
