On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
