So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ladies don't puke and tell
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
