At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
