I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
