Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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