I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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