there's paper in my vomit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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