arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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