Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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