Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
