I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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