she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
