She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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