tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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