if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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