oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
