I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
