I wish I could teleport
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
