My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
