she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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