I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
