I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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