i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
