I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
