I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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