'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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