so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
