what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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