chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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