If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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