Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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