Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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