I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
