I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
