He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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