I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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