are you still at the devil's house?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
