my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
