It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
