Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
