Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My dick has a subreddit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
