She is in my trunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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