I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love having hate sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
