haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
