i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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