u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
