Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
