i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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