there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
