I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
