youre lurking in front of me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
