this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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