she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
