how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
