i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
