Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
