I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
